where do I begin

So much has happened since I last posted. I am not even sure where to start. My husband finally got home Monday afternoon. My little boy was so happy to see me. He clung really tight to me and has since. He told me that he really missed me and wished he had stayed home with me. I reminded him that I missed him too but he had a good time and got to see and play with his cousins and family. The next day he told me he loves me more than anything. Even more than his dad. That is pretty bad, I am not flesh and blood related. Not much happened on Tuesday. On Wednesday we were all off together. We went to the doctors for prescription refills. While there my blood pressure was borderline high. So now I am on a blood pressure check. So far so good. While there I picked up a kit about ADHD for my son. In the kit it has pamphlets for all the stages: childhood, early teen, late teen and adult. It talks about the problems people face through each stage of life. My husband fits right into the adult stage. He still won't believe he has it. He thinks he has outgrown it since being diagnosed as a child. Our doctor knows this too and has tried to talk to him, but he refuses to take medication. After the doctors we went shopping so I could spend my Christmas gift cards. I bought some nice things including some bras and underwear. This lead to an education session with my 8 yr old. He asked questions about girls wearing underwear on their tops. (bras). And he asked why my underwear don't have holes in the fronts like his does. So he learned a new word, urethra. So now he knows that the penis is a pee "hose" because of the long urethra. It probably won't be long before he learns what else his penis can do. I just can't wait. Also on Wednesday I started my daily diary. I have logged in everything that has happened every day. I have color coded it too. The regular writing is black, the good stuff my husband does is purple and the bad stuff he does is in red. I always complain about the things he does or doesn't do and this will be a way for me to put it in perspective if I can look back and see how often it happens. I have already started using my new self. I have been standing up for myself. I have been taking my medications like I am supposed to. I have been feeling really good about myself. I also have some help from friends, family and co-workers.

one week left

A week from today will be New Years. I am going to try to be a different person in 2006. I have decided what I really want out of life and I am going to reach for it. I have worked very hard for what I have and to get where I am today. I shouldn't have to settle for less than the best. I am going to do the best that I can to make this a good year. Today was Christmas day and my husband and son did not come home. Apparently for the whole 24 hours the traffic was too bad for them to get here. Yeah, ok. I managed to drive 1.5 hours away to my father's house after work in the pouring down rain and the traffic was moving smoothly. I then drove home in a thick fog, again with the traffic moving smoothly. I was not as upset about this like I thought I would be. I think maybe it is because I have made up my mind and am at peace with my decision. I have been working so hard to make things work out in my marriage. But it takes two people working together. I had a long talk with my father tonight and he finally told me how he feels about my situation. He also told me that he would never interfer but wanted me to know that he is there for anything that I may need. I am celebrating with Mike tonight and my typing is starting to get funny so I will finish this new resolution blog later.

My new blog

I have just finished creating my weight lose blog. It is called "watch me shrink: my weight lose calender". Check it out at wgtlose.blogspot.com or just click on view my profile to access it. Update: this week I have lost 1.5 pounds, 26 pounds to date.

It may be working

I am pretty sure I mentioned it before in one of my earlier postings but one of the reasons I wanted my husband to go to his parent's house for Christmas is because I wanted him to have a chance to miss me. He has called me several times since he has gone. First thing this morning he called to ask me about my Christmas gifts. Before he had said he wasn't going to get me anything and for me to just go buy my own. He called back a couple of times to find out what I wanted so he could go shopping. He said he wanted to make sure that I had something under the Christmas tree too. Why can't he be like this all the time. It is this kinda of behavior that made me love him. So I don't know why he always has to act like an ass. I've probably said it before but he has a lot of growing up to do still. I just hope he keeps his good side when he does.

Another rough week

Well here I am home alone for the first day. My husband left yesterday afternoon to go to his parents house for Christmas. This week has been a rough one. To start on Sunday my Uncle died unexpectedly. Tuesday my neighbor, a domestic violence victim, finally decided to leave and get out with her children. She stayed the night at our house. She went to the court house the next day and got orders filed. She needed another place to stay Wednesday night because the safe house wouldnt expect her until Thursday. The first night all three of his family members came banging down my door. They were screaming and cursing and upsetting the children. The next day one of them came over banging down the door. She wouldn't leave. I had to call the cops and set off my house alarm. They came and settled things. My husband told the cop now they have what they wanted we do not want any of them on our property anymore and the police officer stated the same. Now she was without a vehicle to be able to leave my house. I had to drive her and the kids around to the DHHR and trying to find a place to stay. She had just enough money for a hotel room for the night. She was supposed to have a court hearing today. And hopefully she made it the safe house. I felt bad leaving her and the kids there but we have our lives too. And a little boy living here that doesn't really need to be exposed to that stuff. He has seen enough stuff like that between his own parents. My husband always had to call the cops on his ex-girlfriend because of her shananigans. I just hope she doesn't break from the hardness of it all and go back to the creep. Those kids were really suffering. The little boy had mostly mental abuse but some physical too, the little girl has had mental and physical abuse, the mother mental, physical and sexual. Anyway, then I went back to my hometown for a memorial service for my Uncle. My family made me feel bad about not being able to come for Christmas dinner. They were disappointed. Today after I thought about it or a while I decided that I wanted to go to my father's house for Christmas dinner. It will make my dad's Christmas, my family will be happy to see me there and it will be extra support for my aunt and cousins. I had to call my husband and let him know about my decision and convince him this would be a good thing. I do have to work but I get off in enough time to make it there in time for dinner. It will be nice. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Updates

I mentioned the 1/4 life crisis that my husband is probably going through. I did find a way to mention the drugs that I found in the car. I was told that some young girl at work had given it to him for an early birthday present one day after overhearing him and a coworker talking about their younger days. He says he wouldn't do that stuff because if his job ever tested him he could lose his job. He does not want the stuff around the house or his son. He does not want to jeopardize our house or his son because of something like that. That is why he kept it in the car. I found the stuff but I never saw any signs of actual use. So I have no other choice but to believe him. I know what he has said in the past and how he feels about the stuff today also. But I did ask why he didn't just throw it away. We know a girl who does the stuff. He said that stuff isn't cheap, something to just throw away. He was waiting to see this girl to give it to her. Alright, whatever. It is out in the open now though.

I also found a way to mention the chores around the house. My husband was very perceptive to the idea. I just have to finish writing it down and making it "law."

Yesterday was we had an ice storm and today we woke up with a thick sheet of ice covering everything. I called out of work. But didn't get off easy. Those people expect you to risk your life for them. I don't think so. Especially not with the way they treat us. We did not get the driveway deiced until 10am. The road still be icy until 12pm. I talked with other co-workers and they had called out too. Oh well. I guess the bosses had to run things today. Hope they liked their taste of what they make us do around that place. Once we were able to dig out of the ice we went grocery shopping. We only shop once in great while. We stock up when we do shop. Since I have been on my diet we haven't been shopping at all. Except for bread and milk, stuff like that. We spent 3 hours out in the store and spent a lot of money. But we have enough food to last a few monthes if we have too. My husband is a butcher so we buy big things of meat, which makes it cheaper, and he cuts it into smaller pieces when we get home. We wrap it and store it in the freezer individually for when we want to use it.


I always seem to write on Fridays because tomorrow is my weigh day. I did a lot of exercise today with shoving the ice out of the driveway. We have an elderly neighbor. My husband dug him out while I finished our driveway. It was actually kinda fun. It feels good to be active. But even with all the execise I am always worried about gaining my weight. I have not been eating a lot of my diet food lately. I have been eating real food. But I have been trying to eat lightly, not overdoing it. I really can't overdo much. My stomach has shrunk since eating proportionately. I also do not have any more food planners to fill out to make sure I am eating the right foods. I guess I will find out tomorrow morning. Either way I still fit into my Christmas outfit and will wear it tomorrow to the family Christmas party. It is a nice sweat suit with a t-shirt that reads 99% naughty, 1% nice.

I will report my weight lose when I can get back online. I like to write it down to keep on track.

Bizzzzzy

I have been pretty busy since this weekend. My mother came to visit because I had to work this weekend and the babysitter was out of town. We spent time together on Friday (my day off.) To start my husband was sick this weekend and stayed home from work. But that worked out nice because I got placed on call on Saturday and my mom and I got to go Christmas shopping without taking my son with us. We had a nice day out. She left early on Sunday after I went to work. My husband was home and she wasn't needed to babysit. There are so many things I want to write but I can't gather my thoughts too much tonight. I am tired.

My husband and I were off of work together today. Our kitchen sink started leaking. Another chapter of our homeowner woes. We went to the store and bought a new faucet. When we got all the way home (the store is almost 30min. away) we found that the new faucet didn't fit. We had to drive all the way back to the store to figure this out. We were given the supplies to use and were instructed on how to repipe our sink. Yes, repipe. We had to removed the cooper pipe from underneath the sink and install flexible hosing. This went pretty smoothly until we tried to cut the cooper pipe to bypass our water purifier. The fitting we got from the store didn't work and water was going everywhere. Or maybe we just didn't now how to use it, either way it was a mess. As of right now our water purifier is not hooked up. We ended up taking out the whole cooper pipe instead so we would be able to have a functioning kitchen sink. I am waiting to hear back from the Culligan Man to see if we can tap into the flexible tubing with the same adapter. To add more excitement to the day we decided to replace the air filters in the house. We have a really bad dust problem. You can dust one table, turn around to dust another and when you are done the dust is right back. I figured maybe new filters would help. Nice filters, not the things that we had in. Well our house is sized weird. We could not find filters to fit our dimensions. So we bought the next best thing and fought to squeeze them in. Oh yeah, and I did laundry today. I am a little tired right now. Not to mention the fact that I just finished racking my brain deciding which bills I could afford to pay and then writing out all of those checks. It is a wonder I don't have a headache right about now.

I found something else in this weeks horoscope that I wanted to share with everyone. It is a nice saying: FEAR LESS, HOPE MORE; WHINE LESS, BREATHE MORE; TALK LESS, SAY MORE; HATE LESS, LOVE MORE; AND ALL GOOD THINGS ARE YOURS. It is a Swedish Proverb.

That is all for now. I will have to write more tomorrow when I have had time to rest and reread what I have already written about.

I almost forgot

I talked my husband into taking me up on my offer about Christmas. He will go see his parents and then be home for me when I get home from work on Christmas day. Does that mean I won this game he created? This posting is messing up again so bear with my run on paragraph. I called my father-in-law and told him about what I found. He was surprised but also basically said I am married to him now so he is my problem to deal with. He was not much help. He also added that a lot of our problems could be that my husband doesn't like a messy house. My fault, right!! His ass doesn't help with the house work either. I may have dust but everything is where is belongs. Since I am the adult in this relationship I have come up with a solution. I have. I am going to call a family meeting. During this meeting I am going to tell my husband and 8 year old son that we need to come up with some house rules about chores. I have made up a list of chores and everyone will have designated things to do. This way nobody can put blame where it isn't due. When we first got together I worked evening shift. He would cook on the days that I worked, I cooked on the days I was off. This worked out good. But when I went to day shift somehow all the house work became my responsibility. Well, it bothers me alright. And since it is now obviously bothering him too then I am going to fix it so that things are fair. My list includes: dusting, vaccumming, kitchen, bathrooms, laundry, dishes, dinner, trash, dogs, and yard work. If there are any other chores that you can think of let me know so I can add them to my list. I can play the game too. And that is all this is. It is now even more than before that I am realizing that I have to put my own happiness first, that is all there is to it. I have to decide how I want things and make them that way.

What a week

This has been quite a week. First of all at work we had state inspectors there Mon-Thurs. I had to work Mon, Tues, Thurs. Luckily they didn't bug me and follow me around.

I have had some extra stress this week. But then again what week don't I have a lot of stress. I believe my husband is having a 1/4 life crisis. It is kinda like a mid-life crisis but it happens in the late 20's, early 30's. When he was younger he was a partier. When he found out he was going to be a father at age 19 his father sat him down and told him he had to take care of responsibility. In other words he needed to grow up fast. Now 10 years later I think he may be missing all the "fun" he used to have. I recently found some "pot" in his car. I have not confronted him about it yet. I know how defensive he can be. That will be another chapter of my life to blog about. Stay tuned.

The Compromise

Today I popped the question. I told my husband that I had been thinking about a way both of us could be happy for Christmas. What if he left Thursday and came home Sunday in time for me to off of work? That way he could spend time with his family and I would still have my family home for Christmas. First he said something about not being there to eat dinner. I had to walk out of the room before I slapped him. But when I came back he said that he wasn't going to go this year. It isn't worth all the driving and gas just to go for a couple of days. I think it is but hey what do I know. I think he thought about this before and just hadn't told me. Anyway, he says he is going next year. And either I need to be off of work, call out or not go with him. I had already made up my mind that I was telling my boss that I needed off because of the family. I have been there almost 5 years and have never asked for something like this. After working 3 Christmases straight she should be able to give me this. I wish he would go though. That way he doesn't have any reason to resent me later. Oh well. Of course he has made himself the hero in this. I guess I will take whatever I can get. I just wish we didn't have to go around the bush to get to these end results. I can only hope my husband will grow up someday and that we will grow more in tune with each other. In the meantime I am wife, mother and peacekeeper in this house. A woman's job is never done. I think that qualifies me as !00% sane at this time. Thank God.

Look at what I found

Now is the time to really start taking life on. You are surrounded by both opportunity and positive energy now. But to benefit from this incredible potential, you must take responsibility for your life and consciously use your good fortune to bring about the real change you desire.
As Winston Churchill said:
"The price of greatness is responsibility."
To really experience life, you must participate in it. That is why you must take responsibility for yourself, your goals, your progress, and -- most importantly -- your dreams.
Only you have the power to fulfill your dreams. You just have to decide what you really want, then develop a plan to get it. I've seen amazing things happen to people who acted upon their dreams, instead of waiting around for them to come true.
The only hard part is perhaps taking the first step. And that's only hard because you probably haven't ever done anything like it before. Remember, once you take the first step, your dreams will start looking for ways to fulfill themselves.
My friend, see how far you can go. Develop an attitude that says, "I have nothing to lose and everything to gain," because you do. Don't be in a rush to tell yourself "no" before someone else does. Don't put up barriers or obstacles where none exist. Believe me, most people stop themselves from realizing their dreams way before anyone else does.
And don't be concerned about doing everything right, because as all successful people know, "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly."
What this means is, it's better to do something, anything, than to do nothing. You can always make things better -- as any artist, businessman, athlete, singer, or cook knows. Almost nothing comes out perfect the first time, but with practice almost everything gets better and clearer. So, don't worry. No matter what you do, if you keep doing it, it will get easier and easier, and you will get closer and closer to fulfilling your dreams.

This was part of my weekly forecast from a psychic. I received it last week, it is for Nov 28th - Dec 4th. I am just now reading it. And if you have read my recently postings this really fits into my current situation. Check out what else it said. This is even more related.

Remember how startling last week was? Especially how amazing last Monday was? Well, be prepared to have a sense of déjà vu come upon you, as soon as this Monday evening. The Sun and Uranus will get together to present you with what may actually be the very last thing on earth you'd ever have expected. Whether it's an event, a revelation, or the ability to see a side of someone you'd never, ever have expected, not to worry. You'll handle it just fine. In fact, you'll probably enjoy the sense of adventure.
And speaking of that sense of adventure, Thursday's New Moon in Sagittarius will provide you with plenty of that, so make some plans for the weekend. The good news is that with Mercury set to turn direct on Saturday, your plans may actually go off as planned. If they don't, you'll at least have a nice, solid Sun-Saturn trine on duty to ensure that the end result will be better than it would have been without the last-minute change. Be patient, and rest assured—Sunday will be exciting, fun-filled, and pretty darned chatty. Better stock up on coffee.

I think that is pretty wild. And one last piece.

Working hard on personal relationships is important if you're going to forge a life filled with love and happiness. You may want to change your approach to a person who is somewhat set in their ways.

I have come up to a solution to our recent problems. A COMPROMISE!!
I will tell you more about that when it happens. Wish me luck.

Before I end i just want to say I am proud of myself this week. Even with all of this stress I still managed to lose another 1 1/2 pounds this week. YEA ME!!!!!!!!!!!:o)

I spoke too soon

I was saying in my last posting that my husband apologized but I was wrong. I over heard him last night on the phone with his brother saying that he is going to his parent's house for Christmas. I told him that if his family knew what he is doing and agreed with it then they are all FUCKED UP!!! I then tried to call him father on the phone and he wouldn't let me. I finally got to talk with him and he doesn't agree with it. But he can see how his son is probably feeling home sick and would like to be with him family during Christmas. Well, that is all I have to say tonight. I will post more when developments happen.