New Start

I have had a lot of experiences this past year and learned from them all. The main one that has shaped me is a disagreement with a really good friend. After being stressed to the max for almost a year over the situation, I finally got the answer to my prayers. I got let down. I was upset and I don't think I will ever look at the person the same way again. But I learned. What I learned is that I have to do for me. I have to do what makes me happy. I cannot stress myself out trying to make everyone else happy. If I am happy everyone else around me should be happy as a result anyway. So far it is working. As an extra for myself I have signed up with a personal trainer. Her name is Kellie. I am having fun and feeling great at the same time. Even though sometimes it feels like she is trying to kill me LOL. My whole life has been changing for the better. I haven't been this happy in a long time.

Hx #3: my son

Then he was five. After we managed to get him through preschool he started kindergarten. Oh man, here we go again. He was getting into trouble, trouble and more trouble. Visits to the principals office. He was kicked off the bus 2 times, one more time and it woul dhave been permanent. And all of this happened within the first two months of starting school. We tried so hard to work with him. The pediatrician thought he was anxious and put him on anti-anxiety medication. This however turned him into a little devil. One day, I am not sure what he had done but it was severe, he got the belt (and I don't mean a beating). Instead of crying like a normal child would. He turned around and laughed in his father's face, a 5 year old. When I say devil I was waiting for his head to start spinning around like the girl in the Exorcist. The therapist was working the best she could to avoid medication. She thought that he was overactive because of his mind being like a 3 year old's. But when it got this bad she finally said he has ADHD and needs to see a psychiatrist for medication. The clincher was how he reacted to the anti-anxiety pill. Apparently ADHD children react evil when they take that kind of medicine. After 2.5 years his mother had started contacting him. His reaction to that wasn't good either. He said she made him feel sad and then he just wanted to do bad things. So after a couple calls we asked her not to call for a little while until we could work out the kink. She didn't believe us so we set up an appt. with her and the therapist. The day before the appt. she called and picked a fight and when she didn't get her way it was then I'm not coming. Another change was my marriage to his father. He had already started calling me mom, which he came to all on his own. He asked me one day while I was shopping for a wedding gown if he was allowed to call me mom. I said if that is what he wanted I was ok with it. Of course his mother doesn't think that is right and believes we forced him to call me that. Anyway, by the second half of the school year we were pretty much on a good path. A lot of things were straightened out. We had survived a lot of changes.

more horoscope insights

I found something else nice in my horoscope that I wanted to share.

It happens to all of us -- you meet with a setback or fail at something, and you're tempted to give up. Here's a surefire way to help you through it: it's all in how you look at it.

Put into perspective, failing in something is just another opportunity for learning and growth, for finding out what works and what doesn't. Looked at positively, you'd never learn if you didn't fail. Or to put it even more strongly, you can't succeed unless you have failed before. As Thomas Edison said of his many attempts to invent the electric light, "I have not failed. I've found 10,000 ways that won't work."

So, that is why it's so important to never be afraid to fail. It's a necessary step to success – and a blessing in disguise.

Hx #2: my son

Not long after his 4th birthday we all moved in together. We moved far away from his family and mine for that matter, but we were together. After a week of settling into our home it was back to work for us and the start of pre-school for him. Now until this time he had grandma and relied on her for everything. Pre-school is quite different from that. He was thrown right into having to fend for himself. A lot of major changes took place at once and were hard for his young mind to process. But I just knew that the distance, change in environment and living situation wound be better for him in the long run. He needed to be far away from the abnormal in order to start living normally.

Well there were plenty of fights at school. Plenty of rebellion at home. Lots of punishment. He just hated corner time. But as much as he hated corner time it never seemed to sink in that he had to go in the corner if he didn't do what was expected of him. My famous sayings "the rules haven't changed" and "excuse me!". The last problem which changed greatly but never seemed to follow through was dad (and still doesn't, not all the time anyway). I'd just have to work around that.

Once I realized that he was a troubled little boy I tried to get his father to take him for counseling. He needed help to deal with his mother just abandoning him. In his mind he was a bad boy, why else wouldn't his mommy want him. He never budged on it, there was nothing wrong with the boy that his love couldn't mend. Well after 9 months of us living together and things seeming to go from bad to worse. Dad finally said ok. He had to or his son was going to end up getting kicked out of pre-school. By this time he had turned 5 years old.

That is when we met Sabrina (his psychotherapist). What a wonderful enlightening experience that was. Here we were racking our brains over what we could do to get him to behave, make him better ect... It was awful what we were dealing with. Sabrina helped us to see what he was doing, what we were doing. First of all we weren't doing anything wrong. That was the problem. He was so used to living abnormally that he didn't know how to function normally. Us living a normal life in a stable home was abnormal to him and he was rebelling against it. The rebellion gets worse before it gets better and he was right on track. We just had to keep up the good work and hang in there. She said that children crave boundaries, they help them feel secure. The only problem was not being consistant. Dad knows the 1, 2, 3 technique, but he never followed through with it. This technique had turned into a game for the boy. She helped him fix it to work again. I am all for discipline when it is necessary but hey this wasn't even my child. How could I tell him what to do. She taught me how to use the technique too. But I also had set my boundaries with him when I first met him and like I said the rules never changed. I wouldn't put up with much crap.

The second problem was what his mother had done to him. Or should I say not done. Sabrina informed us that this 5 year old boy had the emotional and social level of a 3 year old. That is why he wasn't interacting well with the kids at the pre-school. This is knowledge that infants start to get from there interactions with there mothers. The mothers facial expressions, baby babble, play ect... At 5 years old he couldn't even tell Sabrina what a smiley face meant when she showed him one, or a frowny face. He couldn't pick up any emotion by looking at it.

So we worked with him. We still have a face chart on the refrigerator door for him to pick his emotions with. He doesn't use it like he used to. He now verbalizes what he is feeling. We helped him to be able to do that. As for the social part we had to socialize him. Dad just hated taking him shopping or to a restaurant because he acted like such an animal. He didn't know how else to act. We had to take him with us where ever we went and demonstrate and then reinforce good behavior.

You can ask just about anyone and they will tell you he has come a long way and is much better for it.

But that is not where it all ends. Next he will start school and that becomes a new challenge for us. And just after we got all this other figured out too.

Hx #1: my son

When I met him he was a 3 year old, cute and shy little boy. As I got to know him I found him to be withdrawn, barely disciplined and yet sweet. I felt sorry for him. As I mentioned in the last posting his mother wasn't there for him and he would wake up crying in the middle of the night. This is where it seemed the withdrawn mood came from.

The lack of discipline came from three different reasons. To start his mother let him get away with anything as long as he wasn't getting in her way. Second dad gave him everything he wanted and more. He had no respect for his things because he could break a toy just to break it and daddy would go out and buy him another. Dad's reasonings were that he was an only child and he could do extra for him and he felt guilty for the boys mother not being around. I am an only child and I never treated my things in that way or got everything that I wanted. I argued that position over and over until it started to sink in. Also the toys were starting to get more expensive and it was really starting to be a habit. Lastly was grandma. Since mom wasn't around grandma was the main female role in the boys life. She did everything for him, never letting him do for himself. He never had to clean up his messes, she even fed him at the dining table. She spoiled him like any grandma would do but it really wasn't what was best for him being that she was temporarily filling the mother position.

He was potty trained a couple months prior to turning 4. It only took a few days to complete because he was way ready for it just never had anyone address the issue completely besides sticking him in a pull up diaper. And of course grandma had no problem with cleaning his butt. Dad finished the potty training.

As for the sweetness, he found it easy to curl up next to you and sit and watch TV for hours. He tried to be helpful at times too, although he wouldn't do for himself. He wasn't too independent.

Now that dad was on the right page on what to do the child was starting to come around.

Next would come some important changes in his life and new obstacles for us to face together.

My son's mother #1

I am not sure where to start. I guess I can start with an overview and then get to the most recent events. To start I met my husband when his son was 3 years old. He was such a quiet, withdrawn little boy with no discipline. I was told that his mother had been out of the picture for at least 6 months. She didn't even call unless it was to get money out of my husband. She was then dating a boy about 5 years younger than her. I have since found out that she had been coming around to see him. The pictures she took have them both wearing things that I bought them. Anyway. I also remember talking to my husband on the phone late at night (I worked eve shift and we talked late) and his son waking up screaming in the night crying out for his mommy. My heart just broke. The bitch did this to him and didn't even care. She didn't even try to see him or take care of him.

My husband moved into his parents house prior to us moving in together to save money for the move. She actually showed up one day at the door asking his parents where he was. She had been to his house looking for him (duh he had already told her he was moving). Another day she came over with a bag packed (after a fight with her boyfriend) begging him to take her back and be a family again (after she realized that yes he was moving).

We finally moved in together. Every once in a blue moon she would send an email or IM him while he was online. She had found yet another "boy" friend. After 6 months of living here my husband took his son back down to his parents house for a visit. My husband's sister who at the time was still friends with this bitch (go figure, that is part of why I don't like my sister-in-law) told her that they were coming. While they were going down there she sent us an email talking all sweet and I love you, can't wait to see you, make sure you bring me that money ok. I was Pissed. She did come over while they were there. The little one, then 4, didn't really respond to her. She was so mad that he kept saying he wanted to get back home to me. After they got back she kept IMing him and when he shot her down she would keep saying things about him trying to hurt her because she wouldn't sleep with him when he asked her to during the visit. She tried a couple other tactics to try to come between us also that I can't recall off hand. But all of these things she was saying without needing to question it I knew were wrong, I had proof of it.

Then she found a new boyfriend, more her age, and moved a little closer to us (still 3.5 hours away though). He was just as much of a nut as she is. The two of them together would IM my husband and threaten him with all sorts of crazy stuff, threatening with lawyers and custody battles ect... "We will take him away from you and you will never see him again" stuff like that. All of that was just talk. We even printed out the threats and proof that this man was using his power as a jail security guard to access my husband records and sent them to his superior officer. I think he lost his job or something after that. He turned abusive just like the rest of them and she left him. Lived with a few friends for a very short time and then met another boyfriend. Who we found out later wasn't much of a boy but more like a 60+ yr old man.

Since being with or should I say leeching off of this man she has actually used her visitation rights. Oh yeah and I forgot to mention she is even closer to us, 2.5 hours away. I figured maybe she would sleep her way city by city until she lived next store. He is a stupid old man who gives her as much as she is willing to take. All she wants to do is buy things for my son, like that is supposed to make a difference with him. The first time she visited was last February when he was 7. Can you believe she brought pictures. Not picture album pictures, picture frame pictures. Two 5x7's and one 8x10, and placed them around his room. In my house, I wasn't so happy about that. Since then I have definitely taken down the 8x10. One 5x7 is also down and the other one is covered up with a picture of my husband and I which my son placed up there.

This past fall she went out and married some other guy. Though she has still been leeching off of the old guy and is now living back with him after living in a motel with her husband for a few months. During the October visit she was sickly looking and really fidgety, maybe on something. During the January visit she was even sicker looking. We are supposed to see her this month for my son's birthday party. I just can't wait.

More about her. Since she has been living with this man she really hasn't worked. First it was because he didn't want her too, he wanted to support her and just wanted her to sit around the house all day and spend his money. Then it was that she could't work because she has endometriosis and bleeds really bad and has severe cramps every month. She even filed for a modification in child support because she didn't feel she needed to pay 149 a month if she isn't working, although he was giving her 500 a month in a checking account to use. When my husband addressed this with her she denied it at first and then threatened with yet another custody issue. But once he threatened her back with everything she owes she shut up. Now this week she is saying she has a doctor's note saying she can't work because she has low blood sugar and gets dizzy. And she also has bipolar disorder and has to take her nut medication, it's about time, but that doesn't mean she is taking it. She is so full of shit. It is always something different with her.

I think that about covers it for now. I will blog more as it arises. I think I will also write an episode of what my son has been like because of his mother. I don't think that will take as long.

Hellllllloooooooooooooo

I have not been online for a while, but I am here today. Wow, it has been over a month too hasn't it. Sorry. Well lets see if I can remember everything that has happened since the last time. I celebrated my 28th birthday this month. I also got an outstanding annual review at work. So I got my annual increase. Then a week later I received a letter stating that I am getting another increase in April to bring me into the average for the state. I'll take it. It isn't that much but it is better then it was. Work has been really busy. A lot of people are sick lately. We have been staying ful. As soon as a patient leaves another one comes in before the bed gets cold. Damn, I can't think of anything else to post. I guess that is another reason why I haven't been around. I haven't had much happening to brag or complain about. Well I guess I will see how long it takes before I have anything else to post. Later.